@Maui_Speaks: My wife just told me she read all 1800 of my tweets. I feel like I did when I was 10 and my mom found that magazine under the mattress....
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@JT_IV_: I hope the people that monitor my sleep study tonight like watching a man scratch his taint.
@Neauxpe: If you post a selfie that says "because some of you asked for a new one" I want to see screenshots of where they said that.
@Cpin42: When I was 6 my cousin stole my boomerang. The next day his parents died in a car crash. Andy, if you’re reading this, I want my boomerang.
@GrantTanaka: Man buns are just the beginning, next thing you know it’ll be ok for men to have anything on their heads, like a goat or a small child