@1BigMick: My wife keeps 72 half-empty bottles of stuff in the shower. And if I even look at them, they all throw themselves on the floor.
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@SpacePlankton: Just accidentally flashed my gay neighbor. He's not gay anymore. HAHAHAHAHA! Just kidding. He totally threw up.
@remington3000: I'm going to open a restaurant and call it I Don't Care. So us men can finally take u women to the place u want to go to when we ask
@KimmyMonte: [walks into aquarium] me: hi can I just use your bathroom? employee: sorry it's for patrons only me: ok fine I'll take four sharks