@venomjunkie2: My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
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@ericsshadow: ME: my son ran away COP: we won't rest until we find him ME: [swiping LEGO aside with both feet] no rush
@TheUnseenMe: You know that warm feeling you get when you look at your spouse? It's called acid reflux.
@jngraphs: Another normal evening Cook food - 30 minutes Eat it - 5 minutes Check Facebook - 1 minute Check Twitter - 8 hours
@Brianhopecomedy: My wife and I play this fun game at home where one of us says, "Could you watch the kids for a minute?" and runs.