@venomjunkie2: My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
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@ericsshadow: THINGS CHICKS DIG: 1. Popcorn 2. Puppy dogs 3. I can't think of anything else, I'm very bad with women.
@Brampersandon_: [texting gf] February 13th "I think we should spend some time apart" February 15th "Ok that was enough time"
@GoldenSpirals: Me: Goodnight Moon. Moon: Don't "Goodnight" me! Do you know what time it is? Where the hell have you been?
@weinerdog4life: Keanu Reeves watching a Keanu Reeves movie trying to figure out how he's in two places at once.