@venomjunkie2: My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
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@ElleOhHell: If Wonder Woman and Spider-Man go into business together, they should call it Amazon Web Services.
@WilliamRodgers: How to become a Saint 1: Become Catholic 2: Live an exemplary and pious life 3: Perform at least two miracles Or...Just Be Kanye's baby
@Prince_Smarming: A co-worker said to me, "Could you be any more annoying?" So the next day I wore tap shoes to work.
@dougbies: My phone died, so I was forced to "print" a physical copy of my boarding pass, just like The Wright Brothers used to in the olden days