@AndyAsAdjective: My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I've never been more scared of a drink in all of my life.
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@puppy_eggs: It's wrong! If gay marriage is legal who will stop me marrying this painting of a horse. This majestic painting. Who will stop me kissing it
@OhNoSheTwitnt: You think if I tell my dad "30 is the new 20" he'll start paying all my bills for me again like he did 10 years ago?
@OutOfLeftField_: Women's voices naturally get higher as they get excited so if you're in bed and she still sounds like Morgan Freeman, try harder.