@KalvinMacleod: My wife made me pack my own bag for vacation and now I have to figure out how to wear potato chips.
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@KyleMcDowell86: [Bowling Alley] "I'm sorry sir, but we don't have any bowling shoes left" *gestures towards a happy family of centipedes bowling*
@david8hughes: Her: I like your hair. Did you get it cut? Me: I washed it Her: but it looks really different Me: yeah I used water this time
@Phoebetate: To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.
@Shut_up_Marissa: Whenever I’m at home drinking alone with my dog, I tell people I’m drinking with my dawg, so it sounds like I’m drinking with my cool friend