@KalvinMacleod: My wife made me pack my own bag for vacation and now I have to figure out how to wear potato chips.
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@iwearaonesie: *wanders around an office I don’t work at because someone held the door open for me when I was walking by and I didn’t want to be rude*
@stephenjmolloy: Wife: I'm *pause* leaving *pause* you. Me: Is it because I'm always on this trampoline?
@vladchoc: For job interviews, your best bet is to dress as a pizza delivery person, march in and say "Who ordered DILIGENCE and ATTENTION TO DETAIL!?"
@Bob_Janke: [teaching my dog to shake hands] NO! Firmer than that. Want them to take you seriously?