@FatherWithTwins: My wife never talks about the 99 times I watched her purse and didn't lose it.
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@Verity_Holloway: I'm getting old. I'm watching a horror film about a house with a hidden cellar that wasn't on the deeds, and all I can think is how much value that would add.
@PaperWash: *Signs into Facebook "If you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best" is posted everywhere *Agrees *Deletes Facebook
@CatherineLMK: "Hi I can't remember the name of this actress.You know her, she's in that movie you saw. She's got that hair." -actual message from my mom
@ArfMeasures: T-REX *runs past me* ME: woah more like tyrannosaurush T-REX *stops dead* ok you first. I'm gonna eat you first