@Xalqee: My wife once told me " Mike you're the only man who ever gave me multiple orgasms", which pissed me off because my names not Mike
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@neiltyson: Never seen a bar fight break out while people are drinking wine. Beer, yes. Hard liquor, yes. But not wine.
@PinkCamoTO: H: I think we should see other people. Me: Do I have to? I don't even really want to see you.
@HeyZeus666: Anyone who doesn't believe in life after death has never walked away from a lousy job.
@msdanifernandez: My mom's favorite internet game is "Log me into the Facebook. Is this the Facebook? Is that your brother? Why is he drinking upside down?"