@Xalqee: My wife once told me " Mike you're the only man who ever gave me multiple orgasms", which pissed me off because my names not Mike
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@SadieSmithRoks: It happens when you least expect it. Your head starts to spin. You lose control and you start falling head over heels. -winter ice/love
@Gre_Gone: Me: *ziplines into wedding* "Sup nerds?" *pants get caught and tear off leaving me dangling naked upside down* Priest: "Ooh a piñata!"
@causticbob: The kidnapper rang and said "£10,000 and you get your wife back" "Negotiate with him!" advised the policeman "£20,000 and she's all yours"
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Our daughter lied to me. Me: What did I tell you about telling the truth? 5-year-old: It's only for people who don't have lawyers.