@Xalqee: My wife once told me " Mike you're the only man who ever gave me multiple orgasms", which pissed me off because my names not Mike
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@_troyjohnson: Ugly Duckling is my favorite story that teaches kids it's okay to look weird for a while as long as u get ur act together and become hot.
@Home_Halfway: "My wife and I decided we don't want to have kids." "But...don't you already have 2?" "Yeah."
@geowizzacist: *finds a sock behind the washing machine* *plays loud dramatic romantic music as I reunite two socks*
@MsCassieDaniels: Canada's got it right, when they don't want a citizen, they just convince them they have talent so they move to the US. #JustinBeiber