@gringothespice: My wife punched me during sex last night. Probably a good idea that my mistress and I do it at her place next time.
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@yoyoha: If I was a marriage counselor I would just make the couple look at a dating website for 20 minutes.
@Leemanish: Some patients are going to die, & you have to learn to accept that. It's just part of being an extremely bad chiropractor.
@AbrasiveGhost: [Me as a Realtor] BUYERS: this is a great house, what's the catch? ME: Well, it is a bit.. [cant think of the word haunted] ghost encrusted
@NicestHippo: The first judge ever was like "When I'm done talking I'll pound my desk with a hammer" and we were all "Ok that's not insane"