@ericsshadow: My wife reads two books a week and I just told my son that an idiom is a group of idiots.
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@gwatts77: Me: Can I order the conch fritters please? Waitress: The "ch" is pronounced like a "k" Me: Okay Bick.
@MartinPilgrim1: My top 3 assumptions when doorbell rings: 1. Murderer 2. Police telling me everyone is dead 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking
@WilliamRodgers: [Bruce Willis on his deathbed] Bruce: Viagra! Dr: Bruce this isn't the time- Bruce: Give me...a Viagra! Dr: Ok *Bruce Dies...Hard*