@ericsshadow: My wife reads two books a week and I just told my son that an idiom is a group of idiots.
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@PaperWash: Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can't use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
@shatty48: Now that I've removed my windshield wipers I shouldn't be getting anymore parking tickets.
@Brampersandon_: [office meeting] BOSS: Printer ink is costing us a ton. Any ideas on how to cut costs? SQUID: *looks up from phone* Why y'all lookin' at me?
@Kim_pulsive: I'd rather be hit in the face with a shit-filled sock than to ever attempt helping my parents install a DVD player over the phone again