@edgarrants: My wife said if she heard me chewing one more time, she was going to murder me. So I stole the batteries from her hearing aids.
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@Girl_Censored: A 13 yr old just told me I was cool for an old person. I almost slapped her then she said "you're like 23, right? I bought her ice cream.
@Sarcasticsapien: Spider-Man's a great addition to The Avengers, if they're looking for a superhero who is best at watching people they love die.
@TheTalkingPipe: I didn't know how to put this gently so I drew you a picture. That's you. Now, see the guy choking you? That's me.