@XplodingUnicorn: My wife said she wanted to do it missionary style, so I forced her to change religions and gave her smallpox.
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@13spencer: I'm going back to work tomorrow after the holiday break, which means playing that annual game: What food is rotting in the office kitchen?
@jergarl: *takes ambien Oh. You said NO ambien before dinner at your parents. Wife: Really? Me:*already getting naked* I'm sure it will be fine.
@AdamBroud: Gym Employee: Thats not how you operate that machine, sir. Me: *Hanging clothes all over treadmill* But this is how I use it at home.
@swandive2222: Yes, I've been in love before. I've also had salmonella poisoning and you don't see me running back for seconds.