@XplodingUnicorn: My wife said she wanted to do it missionary style, so I forced her to change religions and gave her smallpox.
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@liv_thatsme: I always bring 2 pop tarts to work, so I can eat one now and the other one also now.
@KeetPotato: [firemen meeting] if we had a pole instead of stairs, we could get to the trucks much quicker *from back* "why dont we just sit downstairs?"
@Sanbel11: My friend asked me today if I started Christmas shopping. I'm crying. While digging a hole to bury her.
@shkeeber: GOOD MORNING EVERYONE! DID YOU KNOW THAT FROSTED FLAKES DON'T TASTE HALF BAD WITH RED BULL INSTEAD OF MILK? I THINK I'LL RUN TO WORK TODAY!