@XplodingUnicorn: My wife said she wanted to do it missionary style, so I forced her to change religions and gave her smallpox.
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@summerofbenny: I avoid being photographed at events held at my apartment complex. I don't need someone pointing to a picture and saying,"That's him."
@thenatewolf: *holding my crying child* Me: I know, earthquakes are scary. So maybe next time you'll be good and I won't have to make that happen again.