@TheToxicWaster: My wife said she wants a divorce for valentines day. I wasn't planning to spend that much..
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@david8hughes: Good cop: we found her body in the river Cop who doesn't want people knowing he can't swim: I was sick that day otherwise I'd have found it
@jwoodham: Not all white people die in hot air balloon accidents, but only white people die in hot air balloon accidents.
@Sassafrantz: I was so surprised when he said those three little words to me: "You're embarrassingly bad at math. This is over."