@TheToxicWaster: My wife said she wants a divorce for valentines day. I wasn't planning to spend that much..
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@TheTweetOfGod: Do not squander your short time on earth acquiring worldly possessions. Instead, try to get laid a lot.
@Amazon_Blonde: No beer or Snacks?!? WORST. PARTY. EVER. Family: uh...this is an Intervention Me: LAME, look, Grandmas so bored she's crying
@panmidwest: ME: I'm not voting for anyone CLINTON: that's a vote for Trump! TRUMP: that's a vote for Clinton! ME: looks like I'm voting twice then
@WildeThingy: Me: so I'm delusional? Doctor: yes. Me: and you're a delusion? Doctor: yes. Me: I want a second opinion. Pink Dragon: you're delusional.