@mikeym00n: My wife said she wants to rescue a cat so I threw it in the pool.
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@trims_the_fat: Funny how people get all angry when you break something of their's that they don't ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
@gg21462: The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
@3sunzzz: [first day in prison] "I need to speak to management. There is no way I can use this generic bar soap on my face."
@mstluvstrinkets: The neighbor's wife is gonna be so happy when she sees how much yardwork he got done today. -I think, laying out in a bikini in my backyard