@Brianhopecomedy: My wife said that my 5 year old gets really hyper because of the sugar he has at breakfast so I think I'll stop putting it in his coffee.
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@stephenjmolloy: [Every restaurant ever] Manager: "Has he got a mouthful of food?" Waiter: "Yes." Manager: "Go and ask him how his meal is."
@LizHackett: I assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
@Kernsti: Doctors love to slip in that worst case scenario. "It could be a cold or strep throat or WEST NILE VIRUS but I'm sure it's nothing."
@jenyb4: Before I had a kid I thought, god, I wish I could say "please put your shoes on" 17,000 times every morning. My dreams have come true.