@Brianhopecomedy: My wife said that my 5 year old gets really hyper because of the sugar he has at breakfast so I think I'll stop putting it in his coffee.
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@AndyAsAdjective: Dog shampoo was on sale & cheaper than my normal shampoo so it looks like I'm going to have a shiny, healthy coat for the next few weeks.
@ehdannyboy: I met a girl at a club last night and she told me she'd show me a good time. When we got outside, she ran 100m in 9.69 seconds.
@duxynarow: "I'm so self-conscious" "I'm a very private person" "I'm the shyest person I know" *posts 43 selfies a week* - girls on Instagram