@Brianhopecomedy: My wife said that we need to have a talk after my 2 year old goes down for a nap so I filled her sippy cup with Red Bull.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@chrisdowning: Anyone mad about favstar shutting down can mail me $30, and I’ll tell your friend you like their tweet.
@ObscureGent: [First day as a henchman in a video game] Me: how about we safely store these red flammable barrels somewhere instead of using them for cover?
@Merman_Melville: Boss: Can you send the documents Me: I am sinking in the muck of a swamp of ancient pain Boss: Ok just don't forget to send the documents
@Cheeseboy22: We can't afford to take our kids to a corn maze this year so we're just going to take them to an IKEA instead.