@Brianhopecomedy: My wife said that we need to have a talk after my 2 year old goes down for a nap so I filled her sippy cup with Red Bull.
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@daemonic3: PRIEST: Do you take Florence to be your wife? THE MACHINE: I do PRIEST: Does anyone have anything- RAGE: [from the back] I'M AGAINST THIS
@KenJennings: Bad news, the police just seized our German holiday bread. They said it was stollen. Folks, they said it was stollen.