@Brianhopecomedy: My wife said that we need to have a talk after my 2 year old goes down for a nap so I filled her sippy cup with Red Bull.
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@sarousti: Hot tip: Apparently it's frowned upon to make the sound effect tssst when being blessed by a priest
@10InchesPlus: Not sure if you'll like golf? Walk on a treadmill for four hours under a sun lamp then throw away $75 when you're done.
@iamspacegirl: CAMPING Me: I hate this. The bears freak me out. Him: Babe don't be silly. [later] Bear, textin from right outside my tent at 3am: u up?
@junejuly12: When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard My second thought is virgin wizard