@ninjabaconpizza: My wife saw someone kill horses in Minecraft and she is making me build a Minecraft memorial for dead Minecraft animals.
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@trojansauce: [me on my death bed after being trampled at a one direction concert] please tell people it was auto erotic asphyxiation
@KKAlThani: My iPod started crying after I dropped it. I said "You'll be okay, stop syncing about it". We laughed & made jokes about Microsoft together.