@ninjabaconpizza: My wife saw someone kill horses in Minecraft and she is making me build a Minecraft memorial for dead Minecraft animals.
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@WilliamRodgers: "My mind is telling me nooo... But my body... My body's telling me yesss...BABY" Cashier: Sir...would you like fries with that or not?
@Jarhead44: My ex just followed me on Twitter. That said: "Say hello to Hitler for me, Mary." *BLOCKED*
@ibid78: [me after 1 minute of jogging] this is good, this was a good decision [me after 3 minutes of jogging] life is suffering, there is no god