@jergarl: My wife says I was wasted last night and honestly I don't think she's buying my story about having to be naked to guard the neighbors porch.
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@68Cly29: The embarrassing moment when you bring handcuffs to 'gamenight' and she brings Monopoly.
@Ristolable: HI MOM. YOU'RE GONNA BE SO PROUD. I JUST WON AN ARGUMENT ON THE INTERNET. Sorry caps lock was still on from the argument. But I won.
@bmarked21: My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.