@jergarl: My wife says I was wasted last night and honestly I don't think she's buying my story about having to be naked to guard the neighbors porch.
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@samalmightysam: Maybe Hitler became evil because he was mad that after so many years of lifting his hand nobody high fived him.
@ZWindsor_: Teacher- "How much is a gram?" Me- "Depends on what you want" Teacher- "Out, just get out"
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know how fast you were going? Me: obviously, I have a speedometer Cop: I know that Me: then why did you ask? Cop: [looking down moving toe around in the dirt] I just wanted to talk