@jergarl: My wife says I was wasted last night and honestly I don't think she's buying my story about having to be naked to guard the neighbors porch.
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@The_No_Show: "DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!" he screamed at his phone. Everyone else on the train hugged their phones a bit closer.
@Michabean: My family made a pact that I'm the first to be sacrificed in a zombie apocalypse because I'll slow them down. That's my workout motivation.
@Carbosly: A walk of shame is always sad. Don't make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
@Smug_Lemur: It looks like bathroom tai chi but it's me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.