@jergarl: My wife says I was wasted last night and honestly I don't think she's buying my story about having to be naked to guard the neighbors porch.
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@CMHorrocks: These racing car drivers are making a lot of pit stops. You'd think they would have went before the race.
@illuminatedwndr: hey people that post selfies on Instagram and caption it 'No Filter', go with a filter next time. serious
@stevemarriott: Fun fact: if you play Hotel California backwards, and slowed down 30bpm, there's a fantastic hidden quiche recipe
@gingerfaced: Did you ever think about ten years ago you'd be saying.. "I really hope this is a chick I'm talking to".