@TheMichaelRock: My wife sent me to the store to buy shampoo, conditioner, lotion and condoms. I'm pretty sure the cashier thinks I'm making a girlfriend.
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@mostunladylike: Yog see woman Yog ask woman out Yog go on date Yog fall in love Yog act like an idiot Yog get dumped Yoghurt.
@TeaPainUSA: If Trump wins the presidency, you know who's gonna be the most excited about buildin' a Southern border fence? Canada.
@rolldiggity: MEDIC: "Put pressure on the wound!" ME: "Hey, wound! All the cool kids are drinking and you should too!"