@ericsshadow: My wife spent two weeks deciding what color to paint the bathroom. I got a cat on my 9th birthday and named it Cat.
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@crunkdumpster: "Well gentlemen... the steaks are high." *two steaks giggle* "Hehehe omfg he totally knows, man..."
@SomthinBoutSara: How do you end an argument with a woman? Tell her to calm down. You're dead now but the argument is over.
@TheSanch14: Boss: why do you deserve this promotion? Me: goes into very in depth pointless rant B: what drugs are you on? Me: good ones *leaves*