@BigHeb7: My wife takes 13 bikinis for a 4-day beach trip. Meanwhile, I'm rocking the swimming trunks my mom bought at K-Mart in 1991.
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@MarfSalvador: Him: Shall we have sex? Her: I want to wait til we're married Him: Ugh fine Priest: Shall I continue?
@GrrrRach: Operator: 999, emergency services. Which service do you require? Me: Oh! Don't mind me, I was just cleaning cake off the touch screen.
@sixthformpoet: A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
@krisv_723: Birds do it & no one bats an eye. One time I shit on a windshield & suddenly it's arrests & psych evaluations.