@Brianhopecomedy: My wife told me not to say anything about her friend's lazy eye so I made sure to give numerous compliments on her super-athletic one.
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@Phoebetate: To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.
@ThaJawn: Columbus: I like it here Native American: Me too, that's why I live here Columbus: Why you 'used to live here'
@MommaUnfiltered: It's so cold today, I just grabbed the first 2 kids that got off the bus. They look like nice kids, the redhead seems a little feisty.
@ColoradoCrow: Im going to change my name on Facebook to "Benefits", so that when you add me it will say, "You are now friends with benefits"