@Underchilde: My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.
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@ScreaminZeman: I only ever learned a couple karate moves, so you could say I know partial arts.
@timdonakowski: Love restaurants that put ice cubes in their urinals. Makes me think the ice is a bank vault and my pee is a laser.
@Mirth_Quake: Because 'brunch' sounds better than 'I slept until 2pm, I have a hangover and I want pancakes.'
@TheGrimKing: Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who's sick of her bullshit.