@Underchilde: My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.
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@tsm560: Got an extension cord, and moved the microwave right into bed with me. This 2015 is looking like a good one already.
@tigersgoroooar: Boy becomes Jedi, gets married, turns evil, has twins, becomes Darth Vader, complicated crap, ewoks. Boom, STAR WARS. You're welcome, girls.
@FlyJ_: Him: *down on one knee* Will you marry me? Me: Nah, I'm good, but... (puts up hand up to high five) thanks for asking!
@JermHimselfish: Kids today will never know the horror that would come from seeing a payphone start ringing suddenly in the middle of the night.