@Cheeseboy22: My wife took me to the most amazing 3D movie I had ever seen last night. Half way through it I realized: we were at a play.
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@EndhooS: *Wife walks in, the house is trashed* "OMG..we've been burgled" *I jump out of the closet in full hockey gear* HAVE YOU SEEN THE WASP KAREN?
@TheBoghdady: "When a girl says 'Awww Thanks!', it means she's politely asking you to return to the friend zone that you just tried to escape from."
@The_JRM: The reason my daughter wasn't nominated for an Oscar is because the Academy hasn't seen my 7yo trying to get out of going to school.