@WheelTod: My wife urged me to be more experimental in the bedroom, but I guess she wasn't expecting I'd be dissecting so many white mice.
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@Tmoney68: [Army Shooting Range] Officer: Are you locked & loaded? Soldiers: YES SIR! Officer: You may fire at will! Soldier Named Will: WTF?
@EliTerry: Many people are surprised to hear I'm married because I scream it at them as I descend from their broken skylight in the dead of night.
@whereami18: My 12 wakes up, showers, changes into another pair of PJ's and starts playing PS4. He has no idea how jealous I am.