@WetzelGeek: My wife wants me to take a walk with her today. I'll be on a short leash though so I won't run off into the woods like last time.
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@chuuew: ME: [standing in the rain] STRANGER: [taps me on the shoulder] Here's an umbrella ME: Yes. I've seen one before.
@murrman5: since you're having surgery tomorrow, get here early and remember no eating after midnight "because of nausea?" no, because you're a gremlin
@Jesssicle: My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and I'm like "Get outta here boys! I didn't get this chubby by sharing my milkshakes!"
@WheelTod: Funerals have gotten so expensive: at mom's, after paying for the bouncy house, clowns & pony rides, we couldn't afford a decent magic show.