@WetzelGeek: My wife wants me to take a walk with her today. I'll be on a short leash though so I won't run off into the woods like last time.
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@SteveSuckington: If a shark attacks you, punch him in the nose. And if that doesn't work, use your severed arm to tickle his belly.
@iliezabeth: [suspecting Kyle is a werewolf] ME: Ive laid out all the good silverware for us tonight K: Its chips & salsa M: Aaand? *stabs chip w/ fork*
@WheelTod: For most, bikini season lasts a few short summer months, but I catch enough & store them so efficiently I can eat bikini all year round.
@HatfieldAnne: Before you start your artisanal candle business ask yourself: does the world need one more lychee-scented soy candle? Or even one?