@XplodingUnicorn: My wife was out of town, so I had to run the morning routine by myself today. I learned a lot. For example, apparently I have two kids.
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@SamePageDifDay: Soo... I guess when he asked for my number he didn't mean how many lovers I've had?
@Michael_Erhart: "Why don't you just tell her how you feel?" "Well, alright." "Girl, I feel with my nerves."
@Book_Krazy: Me: It's late. I guess I'll go to bed. -My brain, who up until now has always been the logical one "Let's put up a tent in the living room"
@kamtweeting: There are hospitals for the criminally insane. And then there are parliaments for the insanely criminal.