@XplodingUnicorn: My wife was out of town, so I had to run the morning routine by myself today. I learned a lot. For example, apparently I have two kids.
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@WGladstone: My 6 yr old asked me if "satire" is like a "flat tire." I told him no. People know how to handle a flat tire.
@Marlebean: Friend zone?! I've been sister zoned! And if one more dude pats me on the head, I'm telling mom!!
@RdrJay47: [Food Network: Cake Wars] As the team barely delivers their massive cake to the judges table. Cat Judge pushes it off the table
@ArfMeasures: [1st date] DATE: When I'm with a handsome man I get all nervous & involuntarily start speaking French ME [leans across] Oh really? DATE: Yes