@TheCiscoKidder: My wife went into labor this morning and I was excited until I saw that it's somebody's birthday on FB that I didn't like.
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@petemandik: [long ago] A: Ok, so let's mush a tree to pulp and then make flat thingies out of it. B: Great idea. Write that down. A: Where?
@sfreeze6: One time I accidentally listened to a John Mayer song & spontaneously generated 2 thumb rings before it was over.
@HFromTheNam: Husband:-"So when you starting back at the gym"? Me:-"Why"? H:-"Because you need to" His funeral takes place next week.
@coketruck76: Pal: That's an impressive stingray. How'd you catch it? Me:*flashes back to being dressed as girl stingray* You know, the regular way.