@TheCiscoKidder: My wife went into labor this morning and I was excited until I saw that it's somebody's birthday on FB that I didn't like.
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@KeetPotato: [jungle book] bagheera: "you can't fight him like a wolf, you're NOT a wolf, fight him like a man" mowgli: [writes a strongly worded e-mail]
@LaytesAgain: For women, the worst part of a breakup is probably that incessant little voice whispering "Do something stupid to your hair."
@LolaFaglana: I taught my youngest niece and nephew to say "Mommy steals credit cards" when they're in a checkout line.