@robdelaney: My wife went on a lot of roller coasters when she was pregnant with our daughter Katelyn, and you can tell :(
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@squirrel74wkgn: My wife looks like the cats in those cucumber videos when she turns around & sees me naked.
@Social_Mime: Me - That's the second First Baptist Church I've seen today. Wife - OK? M - One of them is lying. W - You can't ever shut it off can you?
@therealeatwood: “…and silk so fine, Sire, that fools cannot even see it.” EMPEROR: So idiots can see through my clothes? That sounds completely acceptable.
@therealeatwood: [Ouija Board] Me: Spirit, answer this one question—do you like me? Board: R E A D 1 2 : 3 7 P M