@robdelaney: My wife went on a lot of roller coasters when she was pregnant with our daughter Katelyn, and you can tell :(
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@kiebi: It's funny how red, white and blue represents freedom until its flashing behind you to pull over
@EndhooS: [Meeting friends baby] Me: [bouncing him on my knee] he's a big boy isn't he Friend: yeah he was 11 pounds Me: wow that's cheap
@joshgondelman: I know a bunch of guys who are like Christian Grey but without the money and the handsomeness. They're in jail.
@ClaytonSykes: If you're gonna offer free milk for coffee at a convenience store, don't get all weird when I bring in a dry bowl of cereal.