@amishschool: "My wife worked a 12-hour day and I asked what was for dinner" I explain to the other homeless people.
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@MeatyPunk: girl: tough guys are hot Me: *hawk lands on my bare arm* I have a gauntlet I just never use it *hawk gnawing on my shoulder* I love this
@thatUPSdude: Boss: Are you done with those reports yet? Me: Can you stop hovering over me? Boss: Sorry [turns off jetpack] Me: Much better.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [walks into a laundromat with a bag of popcorn kernels and heads straight to the dryers]
@notacroc: [getting my license] Me: *points at gas gauge* the car just ate so we have to wait 30 minutes Instructor: *unclicks seatbelt*