@amishschool: My wife yelled, "This is the LAST TIME I'm going to tell you to take out the trash", and I thought, thank goodness THAT is finally over.
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@brianbowman73: I heard you like bad boys? *jumps in pool after eating without waiting an hour* Sup.
@LordofScribble: As founder and CEO of YOLO Guaranteed, my first product launch will be fishnet parachutes.
@BlindVigil: I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn't recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: My teacher said this project needs adult supervision. Me: OK, what do you need me to do? 5-year-old: Go find Mom.