@WilliamAder: My wife's been working in our garden for two solid days now. I never realized tomatoes required a big, six-foot-deep hole like that.
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@DannyZuker: I just watched a 15 year old girl who was busy texting walk into a light post and I am no longer an atheist.
@im_not_smug: Coworker: That's a stupid song Me: Your face is stupid Coworker: Way to be mature Me: YOUR FACE IS MATURE!!
@flashember: [1st Day after wildebeests take over] I'm safe in my house [Day 7] Thought I heard clattering [Day 21] THEY CAN OPEN DOORS WITH THEIR HOOVES
@TheCiscoKidder: Watching my kid pick his nose is disgusting. He wipes the boogers on his shirt instead of the closest cat like a normal person.