@TheAlexNevil: My wife's celebrity "free pass" is Paul Rudd, and mine is my wife because yah right like I'm gonna walk into *that* propeller blade.
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@dragonsorbet: Me: do you like bad boys? Her: no Me: are you sure? Her: [covers her dog's ears] okay yes
@sarapascoe: When people write to tell me I'm not good at comedy, I reply "Well you're not good at fan mail" then we all laugh &they are proved wrong.
@Snarfernini: I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I'm better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
@mrtruthandsoul: "Do you know why I pulled you over?" "You thought I'd like your pretty lights?" "Recite the alphabet backwards" "I can't even do that sober"