@CroweJam: My wife's favorite position is the one where I lie very still wearing nothing but a toe tag and she starts dating again.
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@itsWillyFerrell: My poem: I dig, you dig, we dig, she dig, he dig, they dig. It's not a very good poem, but it's very deep.
@shesananteater: Boss: Where'd you go?? Me: I got all the way up front and realized I forgot my pen. Boss: Okay? Me: So I went to lunch.
@realHamOnWry: What did I learn getting fired today? Never walk behind your boss, poke his bald spot and yell, "Hey, you've got a hole in your haircut".
@amazymay72x: *coughs like a maniac* *pretends to pick nose* *scratches armpit* Things I will do on the bus so no one will sit next to me.