@iwearaonesie: my wife's friend is so pissed i made fun of his lazy eye he's having a hard time even looking at me
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@justaride: If you have time-stamped VHS footage of yourself blowing out birthday candles, you'll eventually be abducted.
@DrainBamagedHD: Hey, people who leave the volume on an odd, non divisible by 5 number, how do you live with yourselves?!
@JasonLight73: If the camera adds 10 lbs. & Mirrors don't lie..Why in the World would a Woman ever take her picture in the bathroom mirror? It defies logic
@squirrel74wkgn: [on first date] Let me get that for you. *holds door open* "May I help you, sir?" Yes, my lady would like your finest soft taco supreme…