@qwertying: My wife's idea of oral sex is to sit down and talk me out of it.
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@MarfSalvador: Dad owl: I’m dying so I need you to look after things. I’m going to give you- Son owl: Don’t say it Dad: Power of a tawny Son: [turns head]
@Rollinintheseat: *spelling bee* "Your word is disaster." "Can you use it in a sentence?" "That outfit you're wearing looks like a natural disaster."
@70Ceeks: son is fuming bc his sister is staying home from school AGAIN. he just opened her door and said "and here's the liar in her natural habitat"