@Brianhopecomedy: My wife's late for work because I unplugged her alarm so I could charge my phone. She's mad, but at least I can tell you guys about it.
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@UncleDuke1969: Buying my parents' house. Soon, like so many of the 'ladies' here... I too will be a middle aged man tweeting from his mom's basement.
@markydoodoo: The closest I get to exercising is when I trip on the sidewalk and pretend jog for like 10 feet.