@Brianhopecomedy: My wife's late for work because I unplugged her alarm so I could charge my phone. She's mad, but at least I can tell you guys about it.
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@kumailn: Batman based his superhero off what terrified him most. If I followed the same logic my superhero would be ListeningToVoicemailsMan.
@varoon_singh: When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
@babyblue0924: I'm really glad my dog doesn't tell anyone about the conversations we have together. Then people would really think I'm crazy.
@Ideal_Victoria: I spotted a subtweet and also spotted a squirrel with a juice box... I'll let you guess which one had a greater impact on my life.