@Brianhopecomedy: My wife's late for work because I unplugged her alarm so I could charge my phone. She's mad, but at least I can tell you guys about it.
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@WheelTod: If you're dying, and have recently lost your car keys, take the opportunity, as your life flashes before your eyes, to try to spot them!
@cluedont: Why does my wife always wait until I'm at the opposite end of the house before asking me to 'Merm frner mernferr brnerfer!'?
@maliagif: boy: i wished girls liked sports girl: i like sports boy: oh yeah name the blood type of the seahawks coach from the 1990s