@Home_Halfway: My wife's leaving me for refusing to stop referring to our children as my Capri Son and Capri Daughter.
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@sock_holliday: The person that invented toilet paper is easily the most under-appreciated hero in human history
@prozdkp: Mitt Romney dissing Trump is like when an anime villain from the previous arc teams up to help stop the new billion times more evil villain
@ojedge: [train] MAN EATING NUTS: "Want one?" [offers bag] MAN IN TRENCHCOAT: "May I have… seven?" [coat rustles excitedly]
@GrandadJFreeman: Niggas be like I want a girl that rocks Jordan's, plays video games, and watches sports with me" wtf? You want a boyfriend nigga