@Home_Halfway: My wife's leaving me for refusing to stop referring to our children as my Capri Son and Capri Daughter.
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@BruceForce: Haha, murder? No officer, I just wanted to see what would happen if I planted a human
@Brampersandon_: GIRL: wow that shirt really brings out your eyes! ME: *eyes protruding completely out of my head* yeah the collar is too tight or something