@Brianhopecomedy: My wife's online shopping downstairs so I'm upstairs logged on to the same site and deleting everything in her cart.
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@TheAlexNevil: At the beach, looking at all these fit young people, with their perfect bodies and perfect tans and I think "I wish I could be a shark".
@brendohare: On your first day of prison, go up to the biggest, scariest guy there, and ask him "Have you heard of updog?"
@Matt_The_1st: Yes. You rt'd me 14 times in a row. Thanks. You are first in line for my liver when the time comes.