@WilliamAder: My wife's returning today after an 8-day trip, so I should probably dampen the kitchen sponge and re-position it.
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@JordanPeele: I've been dating a girl online who I think might be a Catfish. Every time I try to meet, her excuse is that she "can't survive on dry land."
@Cajun_Ninja: Met this nice girl at the mall today. Her name was No. and coincidentally her number was also No.
@anildash: Shout out to everybody home for the holidays telling their family about conversations that happened online by saying "My, uh… friend said…"