@yonewt: My wife's signature move is asking me a question then turning on the faucet when I answer.
@LagunaBeachPOV: I want a name that can only be written using straight lines, so I'll be changing my name to Wilx Kivz.
@Love_bug1016: And then the devil said, "tell her to calm down."
@FeelsLike2sday: I was born to be wild, but only until around 9:30
@Reverend_Scott: Wife: Have you seen my razor?
Me: [with only one eyebrow] I have not
@Glove_Monkey: Put the spoiled milk back in the fridge and hope it gets better.
- What I think when I hear someone is getting back together with an ex.