@yonewt: My wife's signature move is asking me a question then turning on the faucet when I answer.
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@ConanOBrien: Great, yet another drive-in movie ruined by the neighbors saying I can't park on their lawn and watch movies through the living room window.
@DanMentos: [at dentist] so your X-rays look grea- *phone rings* hold on *on phone* a new engine? jesus, ok so as I was saying you have several cavities
@jordan_stratton: Please stop telling me how long your baby is in inches. I need something more visually relatable. Oh, your baby was 3.5 hot dogs long? Cool.
@Eightinchgoat: You're right, strange woman giving me your opinion on having tattoos. I regret them right now because they caused you to talk to me.