@yonewt: My wife's signature move is asking me a question then turning on the faucet when I answer.
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@lovemydogduck: I really hate working late. My ride turns into a pumpkin and I always end up losing a shoe.
@buttgh0st: frodo: [doesnt know how to get to mordor, doesnt know how to fight, doesnt know who he should actually trust] i need to do this alone
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: GF told me she wanted to write her "biography" & I said "autobiography" & now there's a chapter where I sleep at my place.
@CherBear162: "Remember Robert from work?" Yeah..he was a douche. "He died." WHAT?!? OMG..He was such a nice guy!