@citizenkawala: My wife’s story about her day had 18 sub plots, two false finishes, buried the lead and introduced a new character in the third act.
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@daemonic3: WIFE: OMG how did grandma's ashes get knocked off the mantel? ME: Actually I think it was- *cat makes throat slice gesture* -the wind
@jctwritesstuff: [Zombie Apocalypse] Him: Pack your go-bag. No nonessentials. Me: K Mascara Record player Albums Like 4 of his hoodies Vodka Charger Katana 800 thread count sheets Books Cheese *dies*
@jjhartinger: hubs: why the makeup? me: we're cooking dinner together. him: and... me: and, I want to look nice when the police arrive.
@ImFordTough: Pretty awesome how you can buy chocolates on February 13th and everyone assumes you have a girlfriend & not a grudge w/ your neighbor's dog.