@carlyken: My work day has been like the movie Sound of Music. But with less singing. And more Nazis.
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@WilliamAder: My wife's returning today after an 8-day trip, so I should probably dampen the kitchen sponge and re-position it.
@ericsshadow: If Donald Trump becomes President, The rest of us should be able to just walk into any hospital & start working as doctors
@AmishPornStar1: Wife: Did you eat an ENTIRE half-gallon of ice cream?!?! Me: It was getting freezer-burned. W: I just bought it today! Me: Crazy freezer.
@hazelmotes1: Golf, except there's no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.