@HallpassCanada: My work has this cute thing they do where if you're really good at your job, they get you to do everyone elses too.
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@bornmiserable: blood is thicker than water, which is my secret to winning the annual county fair gravy contest every year
@Swishergirl24: This guy on GMA is thanking God b/c he survived 2 plane crashes. I'm pretty sure "God" is trying to kill him.
@RandomManik: My gym instructor says that Warm-Ups are extremely necessary. So, I brought donuts along this time but I can't find the microwave oven.
@Token_Geezer: When I'm in a room full of toddlers, I can't help but scan it for potential serial killers