@MondayPajamas: My worst fear is seeing one of my tweets marked as "exhibit A"
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@ThisHotGarbage: If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
@JesKeepSwimming: The ones you keep closest to your heart hurt you the most. Like the underwire in my bra that tried to stab me.
@joci2203: [first date] Him: Why are you being so distant? Me: Why didn't you order a side of guacamole?