@MondayPajamas: My worst fear is seeing one of my tweets marked as "exhibit A"
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@ShaeAaron: The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry's in the oven. I'm going to bed.
@shanethevein: The doctor asked if I was sexual active. I shook my head and said "Not in front of the wife".
@ericsshadow: When my 9 year old gets off the phone with his girlfriend, I'm going to ask him for some dating advice.
@trainwreck1000: General Contractor: Don't worry ma'am, everything will be ready, we'll have the scaffolding set up and erected. Me: *mutes phone* hahahahaha