@MariyaAlexander: My years of napping and making out with strangers have prepared me for a solid career as a CPR dummy
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@TheTweetOfGod: .@rickygervais Ricky, if you can get Twitter to verify me, you will be the first atheist allowed into heaven.
@SteveKoehler22: Son : “Dad, who did I get my intelligence from ?" Dad : “It must be from your mother. I still have mine”
@Brampersandon_: TRUMP: if elected i'll build a protective wall. I'll call it the great wall *advisor whispers in his ear* i'll call it the really great wall