@CakeThrottle: My young nephew said that people with glasses should only be able to marry other people with glasses. He's like a tiny Republican senator.
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@jwoodham: DIET TIP: You are what you eat. Do you really want to be celery? C'mon. Not even celery wants to be celery.
@Iwriteforcats: The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
@bazlyons: They say punching a shark is an effective way to prevent a shark attack but my preference would still be 'land'