@CarltonnBanks: #MyHomelessSignWouldSay Obama aint the only one who wants change
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@dafloydsta: [on Dating Game] HER: Contestant 1, what are you wearing? [I glance at the stains on my shirt] ME: *lips on mic* Looks like gravy, Diane.
@KyleMcDowell86: [job interview] "What's your biggest weakness?" "My honesty" "I don't think-" "I broke into ur house and made love to ur cat last night"
@simoncholland: Apparently it is "against church policy" to drop your kids off in the nursery and then go to brunch.