@JennyJohnsonHi5: MySpace just bought a pack of Ramen noodles.
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@hayes_t_r: Chemists do tell jokes, but there's no reaction because all their people skills Argon. Omg, that's Sodium funny, right? Na? Okay.
@TheWoodenslurpy: If I commit suicide, it’ll be for a shallow reason, like unrequited texts. But the note I leave will mention world hunger at least 11 times.
@patrickmarkryan: If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet