@TEXASVETERAN: Na Fa Fo Na Na Fo Fo -Sassy black girl giving me her digits.
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@hippieswordfish: hey, a mime! *mime starts having heart attack* hes pretending to die lol *mime collapses* *hours later still watching his body* wow hes good
@NicCageMatch: The rats outside my apartment building are getting very bold. One of them just asked me for my number.
@NotThatKristi: We're adults. It's bad enough we selfie. Don't make it worse with the surprise face selfie
@DaddyJew: [getting dating advice from my dad] Just be yourself and don't do anything stupid "Well which one is it?"