@chilldadpalguy: name a hurricane "Jesus" cuz then u could say "Jesus is coming" & have unaware ppl frantically prepare for rapture
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@DevilryFun: I tried giving a gentle reminder to my kids about cleaning their rooms, but a megaphone works much better.
@XplodingUnicorn: The pig jumped into bed with my 6-year-old all by herself. It was super cute. Then the pig threw up all over her. Considerably less cute.
@robfee: Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. "Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!
@AnkCoupleTO: *84th flr* CW: You look sad, can I cheer you up? M: Heard Van Halen's "Jump"? CW: Sure! Me: Jump out that window and sing it on the way down